Applying Wisdom (The Book of Job): Faith vs. Sickness

This poem is about suffering, but specifically with an illness. My mother had a rare, high-risk and incurable blood cancer, but I was moved to compare Job’s suffering to my mother's - and also, a different type of suffering. However, as Job kept his faith, so has my mum. I will never be able to understand her experience, but this is my experience witnessing her struggle.

Out of nowhere, you were tested

We were tested

Unexpected shock had us fearful

Fearing what would come next after this diagnosis 

You were strong and brave

Trying not to show me you were scared 

Trouble came to you,

But you were not discouraged (4:5)

Uncertainty crept within me

So how do we find peace,

Amidst the chaos

How do we find hope,

Amidst the angst 

It’s all mental you said

It’s a mental battle 

But rare and incurable were words I heard often  

I questioned why

Why would this happen 

It wasn’t deserved 

How could someone so healthy

Turn so sick

My questions didn’t matter then

Because you had to start the process…

Pain was sent

From the soles of your feet to the crown of your head (2:7)

Hell you said

You could imagine that Hell would feel like that

I didn’t understand why God would put you through that

Or put us through that

What was He trying to teach us?

As I saw you struggle,

That question pondered in my brain

As Job 5 reads,

“But if I were you, I would appeal to God;

    I would lay my cause before him.

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,

    miracles that cannot be counted.”

And that’s what you did

You had strong faith,

While mine was so weak

I didn’t have the strength of stone (6:12)

But it was like you had flesh of bronze (6:12)

I was angry

I still didn’t understand the lesson being taught

If any

Was this in a way my punishment?

I looked for comfort

What would ease my complaint? (7:13)

But wait,

This wasn’t about me

So God,

Why did you make her your target? (7:20)

     Did she become a burden to you? (7:20)

Did she need to live in agony,

Or with no justice being served

Yet through her pain,

You still filled her mouth with joy and laughter (8:21)

Though Job thought God would overwhelm him with misery (9:18)

You mum, 

You knew God would never give you more than you could handle

It comes back to the mental battle you said

And of course,

Faith 

Through the tears,

You never complained

Bitterness did not overtake you

So you accepted it 

But how?

How did you just accept sickness,

Without asking why?

Through your suffering

And my own

I had to devote my heart to the Lord

Because to Him belong strength and insight (12:16)

Why would I put myself in jeopardy

And take my life in my own hands (13:14)

When I could just trust You, Lord

I could trust You with her life

But then again Mum,

I saw you in pain

Hurt,

Crying in torment 

Would your torture be forever?

Would you ever be given a break from the pain?

Why were you in these shackles?

Saying it feels like death 

Job 14:7 encouraged me,

 It reads:

“At least there is hope for a tree:

    If it is cut down, it will sprout again,

    and its new shoots will not fail.”

It encouraged me that pain needed to come for you to get better

For you to sprout again with strength

But wouldn’t God’s consolations be enough for me while seeing you in pain (15:11)

I wanted to hear His gentle words and take comfort 

Comfort that He knew what was best for you

But I didn’t want to lose you 

So my eyes poured out towards God

For you

My spirit felt broken 

Like true heartbreak

Other people were more positive than I was

I was overwhelmed with support 

People reached out from all over the world

To see if you, mum, were okay 

Your kindness,

Brought joy to people

You presented your own light,

That would shine in other's hearts

It inspired me 

To be just like you 

The Lord blessed you with a tender heart

That you gave to me,

And the gentle heart to share with others 

You are loved by many, 

Blessed with intimate friends 

And an affectionate family 

Who never turned their backs on you (19:19)

Through it all,

You saw God’s face and shouted with joy;

You knew He would restore you to your full well-being (33:26)

So as you were lying in a hospital bed,

With a stiff throat, you called my name,

You were cold, but you took my hand anyway

You saw I was hurting

Seeing you in pain,

So you said the same thing to me as you did when I was a little girl

“Give it to God.”

Those four simple words changed my view 

It didn’t register when I was ten

But somehow it did now

Though the enemy wanted to tear us down

We didn’t let him

So where did this wisdom and understanding come from

When death tried to open its door to you

“The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,

    and to shun evil is understanding” (28:28)

Your fear was not in death

Because you knew where you were going 

So my fear could not be in death either 

Strength radiated off of you 

Though darkness came 

You looked for light

Knowing you were a sinner,

Gave you hope in knowing you needed the Spirit

As the bed pain caused distress in your bones, (33:19)

We hoped for renewed flesh like a child’s (33:25)

And that is what you got

A year later God blessed you with a new body

Though your illness will last forever 

Treatment was successful 

Your hope in the Lord and love for me

Made you determined to stay,

Just a little longer 

We considered His wonders (37:14)

So what else did we have to gain?

Well almost twice as before (42:10)...

Loved ones

Family 

Faith 

A God-loving heart

Hope in the Lord

His exalted power

His peace 

Eternal life 

And the blessing in knowing…

You live today

With full years to come (42:17)

As I type this today, God has removed cancer fully from her body. She is cancer-free, filled with energy, love and the Holy Spirit! God is so Good and a true miracle worker!